Quiz: Cosmo Quiz!

We found the penis quiz discussed in the August 1988 Teen Issues episode! Here it is! From Harvard Lampoon, April 1997.

1. Would you rather be:
Not too surprisingly, most answer 5'4" with a 7" penis.
2. Would you rather be:
Careful! this is a trick question. The sum of penis in B is greater than in A.
3. Would you rather be:
Keep in mind that if you choose b, none of your penises can sustain an erection. Okay, maybe one can, but you’ll never know which one it will be from day to day. Today it could be the one on your forehead, tomorrow one of the ones on your elbow.
4. Vlakto has five dollars, and Enrique has four dollars. Would you rather have:
Unit penis cost = $2
5. Would you rather be:
6. Would your:
7. Would you rather:
Keep in mind that when you teleport, the penis must stay behind and guard.
8. Would you rather be:
9. Would you rather have:
Keep in mind that b is ipso facto impossible.
10. ...
11. Would you rather have:
12. Which of the statements is grammatically correct?
13. You go to a party. This guy is talking **** about guys with penises. Do you:
If B, you run the risk of being slammed in the ****.
14. Would you rather be: